Recovery...Now there's a vague term. Depending on your life- how turbulent it is at the moment or what obstacles you've had to overcome in the past- each of us experiences our own recovery; a healing of the body, soul, mind and heart, whichever one or all, for that matter, might be in need. Different ways, at different times and in different circumstances our recovery begins to take shape. The key- allowing it to follow its course by not hindering the process with a series of mind interruptions and second guesses. WOW...that's easy...YEAH...guess again!!!!
I wish I could admit that I have followed my own advice since it sounds so simple, so clear, but I cannot. I have tossed and turned throughout the night hours and woke to a series of questions tumbling around my brain like clothes in a dryer- forever spinning round and round, over and over like a looping rhythm. I actually become overheated with panic and uncertainty. How can I allow this? Why do I let my mind dictate how my body reacts?
Shortness of breath, pounding heart, upset stomach, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks...the list goes on and on rendering me usless and out of control. Believe me- I've practiced and pondered, meditated , reflected and even prayed on this subject. The results being less than satisfactory at times.
Recovery, for me, will just have to reveal itself in small doses- each a stepping stone to a better understanding of my own life and the lives of people I meet along the way.
My tendencies lean towards all or nothing- taking care of a problem immediately- or becoming incompacitated until I'm able to resolve an issue that has the potential to derail my life's routine. It's very hard for me to deviate from that openly addmittd OCD I have. I like order in my life, calmness and routine but sometimes the unexpected monkey wrench can be quite exciting. It affords me an opportunity to view life through another set of eyes, remove my blinders, step off the path and run through the mud...Yeah...I'll get dirty along the way and may even say "What made me want to do that?" but in the end I have opened up another locked door in my mind. I have added another experience to my list. An experience I can reflect on and share and that may, if I allow it, bring a sense of recovery in ways I never thought possible.
Things do happen for a reason. I believe that fervently. We are put into situations that upset "our version of order" and have us walking a path that is headed North when we could have sworn we were headed South. Just think- maybe we missed something along the way and this 180 degree turn around just happens to be our chance to go back and check it out...
Second chances don't often fall onto our laps...so embrace the one you are given ...even if it seems more like a hinderance than an opportunity. We all may be suprised with the results- with the recovery that will undoubtly came in time
Saturday, February 2, 2008
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2 comments:
wise words my friend...and some that i can't help but feel were meant for me today..not that you wrote it directly for me, but you know what I mean...and this is the purpose of life i suppose. those time we don't know why, but things happen and we can't seem to understand why until later...if you have time..find a way to listen to Steve Jobs 2005 Commencement speech at Stanford...he addresses this very thing and one of the phrases he uses is awesome..."You can't connect the dots (in life) looking forward, only looking back."
Just like you said...it is always easier said than done..i am horrible at recovery..not nice to myself, impatient and angry..this is a test to be good and compassionate to myself, to ourselves...gosh, we sound alot alike..you're not an Aires by chance? (not that i really know what that means, but it always sounds like a connection...
"versions of order"...isn't it funny how that never goes as planned? great lessons...you, my friend, are a great teacher and writer.
I am glad to know you are out there.
J
This is an incredibly wise post...acceptance is the key and often times the most difficult of all steps. But without it there will always be struggle and resistance, neither of which gives us power, hope, strength or compassion.
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